Haiku about My Mom (3)

You know when you get an image, or a moment in time, or a piece of a conversation, just a little smidgen of a day get tucked in your brain, and then it comes to the surface days, maybe weeks, later? Sometimes it makes you laugh. But, I have one that puts me on the brink of tears. I have been tucking it back every time it surfaces. I told my sisters briefly about it. I used very little words, and I felt my nose start that itchy feeling I get when I'm just about to cry. I just said at the end, "That was rather sad hearing her say that." And that is the last I've confronted it, until today. It's been popping in and out of my consciousness all day. It's time to release it.

Last week my mom had an appointment with her neurologist, a checkup on how she's doing dementia-wise. For a few minutes, I had to remember where the office was. Mom told me where she thought it was and I knew that wasn't it. I found the address and we left. I told Mom, "It's right across the street from the hospital." But, Mom insisted it was not, so I drove her to where she said it was located and she saw that it was her allergist office instead. She didn't say anything and we went to her appointment. Afterward, we had to go back to the allergist for something that is another story all together. On the way home, we passed the neurologist's office and Mom said, "There is Dr. Yukki's office. I can walk from my house, just go on Cherry Street...." "Yes, Mom," I say to her. She says "See, honey, I can remember." And those five words have been haunting me since. 

Gardenia-one of my mother's favorites.

This evening I write a haiku, inspired by my mother's words, which she uttered to assure herself, more than me, that in that "bad" moment, she indeed can still remember. 

Struggling to find

that fact, which is hidden deep,

to prove I still can. 

Haiku about KISS

When I read that it's Ace Frehley's birthday today, about a half a dozen different memories shot through my mind. Ace Frehley was a member of the rock band KISS. They were popular during the late '70s, known for their black and white face makeup and their platform shoes and elaborate costumes. 

One of my KISS memories is being in the girls' locker room at E.E. Fell Junior High School. A couple of girls started singing Rock and Roll All Night, others started joining them and soon we had the whole locker room singing. By the way, this was the "honor" locker room. You get membership there if you consistently take showers after gym class. The teachers don't have to monitor shower taking in the "honor" locker room. Well, the singing must have gotten pretty loud. Mrs. Magsig  yelled in for us to shut up. We did. We didn't want to lose membership in the "honor" locker room.  

 

A recent KISS memory was taking our boys to a KISS concert with a good friend of ours. It was the boys' first concert. And KISS did not fail, with it's pyrotechnics and stage antics. Our oldest watched the whole concert with big eyes and a big smile. Our middle child had to leave about half way through the concert. The light show entranced him and then all of a sudden he rolled up on the ground and wanted to just lie there. I think the light show was too stimulating. I took him out and we listened while we followed people around the venue.

Two fun memories thanks to KISS. So Happy Birthday, Ace Frehley, and here's a haiku honoring your former band. 

Paul, Ace, Gene, Peter

want to party ev'ry day

And we sing along.

Haiku for My Husband (2)

Yesterday was my husband's birthday. In the morning, he taught his classes, and then enjoyed a relatively quiet afternoon just doing his thing. We had a nice evening with him.  We went to dinner where he enjoyed some chicken nachos and a beverage. At home he received his gifts. This year they were a Monty Python t-shirt which sported the line "It's just a flesh wound," a book of daily devotions for the intellect which contains 365 lessons from the seven fields of knowledge, and a lapdesk, which is not just any lapdesk (It has a lamp and its elevation can be adjusted!). I can't wait to see him reading his devotions at his lapdesk donning his new t-shirt. Afterwards, we had cake. It was a Snickers cake and everyone raved about it. Overall, I think it was a good day for him. 

Here is a haiku for my beloved, who seems to be always there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to hear one of my crazy ideas, or a second brain to plan or connive.

My husband, my friend,

My brace, my fun, my balance

My cheer, my husband.

Haiku about Dealing with "Hard Things"

As I sit here realizing that I have not posted in over a month, I ask myself  why not? The last time I posted I had recently received news of my mother's dementia and my nephew's new cancer treatment being the last try before hospice is called in for his care. I had also been struggling with my daughter's sadness/depression. I had been struggling to face these heartaches and to support my sister and mother and daughter as they move through these rough challenges in their lives, sad that I cannot remove their burdens. I suppose the answer to the question "Why haven't I been writing daily?" is that life pulled the rug from beneath me and I had to spend some time trying to fix that feeling. And I think I have for the most part and can continue writing--even about the difficult stuff.

"Sometimes hard things happen that isn't easy to understand and hard to deal with," my daughter wrote a few days ago. It's a fact. They are hard to deal with and you have to work at it. Since my last entry, my nephew's medical care has been turned over to hospice. He's at home, being loved like crazy as usual.  This is one of those "hard things" my daughter wrote about. "Hard" isn't nearly strong enough is it? But, truly, what word is? It hurts. We have known this time would come; we tried to prepare for it. But, as someone pointed out, you can prepare for a punch in the face the best you can, it's still going to hurt. The sting of the news has lessened, now we are "dealing" with it--accepting it as something we have to live with, and then living with it.  

 Did you know?

The jellyfish is a symbol of acceptance and faith.

 

Today, I write my haiku of this struggle to live with these "hard things" life gives us from time to time.

Acceptance of this.

It seemed unattainable.

But, then, here we are.