Haiku for My Mother (2)

Sometimes, something will occur that you don't plan, and your whole life changes--perhaps even your whole being changes. Your day to day life changes. Your plans for the future changes. Your outlook on a person changes. Your explanations as to why things are changes. Your emotional state changes. This last bit--the emotional changes I want to address today. Sometimes, something happens and you perhaps become a little sadder. You hope the sadness will weaken. But, perhaps what really happens is that you start getting use to living with that bit of sadness added onto your emotional map. And, of course, this could happen with joy, pride, frustration, any emotion that is so strongly. 

I'm going to stick with sadness, because I've been experiencing that of late. Today my mom and I went to a grocery to quickly pick up dinner stuff for my family. My mom followed me around and did not venture on her own like she use to years ago. I had to repeat my directions to her about the rotisserie chicken. That she could just pick it up and take it. But, she looked at it, until I picked it up and placed it in her cart. There was also a confusing conversation about her wanting a salad, but at the end she did get what she wanted, which was potato salad.  A month ago, I would have been frustrated, chalking it up to her not wearing her hearing aides again.  But, today it made me sad. Knowing what I know now, from what I learned about my mom last week Monday, I realize this could be due to something that cannot be fixed by something like hearing aides. You see, we found out that Mom's brain has "characteristics that point to dementia". It makes the confusing conversations, the inability to keep her attention on our talks, her occasionally forgetting what we told her two days ago, so much more severe.  It's so sad to think of losing Mom this way---not in body, but in mind. This is a bit of sadness that has been added to my emotional map that won't ever be lifted. I will have to live with it. 

Today, I write my haiku to celebrate my mom and her wonderful self.

She loves her gardens,

bargains, coffee, crocheting.

And her family.

Haiku about Dirty Snow

 Today as I drove around doing this and that, I couldn't help but feel the effects of my environment. These piles of old snow, in combination with the gray skies in the morning brought me down. The gray grim surroundings did not aid in combating my blues of late. I want them gone. And soon, please. 

Today's haiku is about snow when it has outlast its welcome.

Yukky piles of gross

from sparkly, fluffy splendor.

Sad transformation.

Haiku for My Sister

Today is the first day in a week that I have felt like writing. My brain has been too busy processing some news I received last week to write. I've written over 60 posts, and there is a part of my life that is almost always there on my mind, and yet I've only mentioned it once here. And that was in my Haiku about a Last Visit post. It is a difficult one to write about because it is so emotional. It is my nephew's cancer. My brother-in-law writes about it a lot. He says it is therapeutic. It allows him to release some of those pent up feelings from time to time. One thing I have learned from creating these postings is that writing, indeed, can be therapeutic.

My nephew was diagnosed with neuroblastoma about two and a half years ago. He is six. Last week we found out the last treatment did not help the cancer. He has gone through all the treatments available to him save one. His cancer will be biopsied and studied, and we will find out if he is eligible for the study treatment in two weeks. We also found out that if the treatment is not available to him, or if he is too ill, or that it doesn't work, hospice will take over his care, and that his life will end in months or even weeks. It is an incredibly sad thing to hear. We have all known that this time would come eventually. It doesn't make a difference. Hope always reigns, of course. But....what can I say? It's been a long up and down ride of hope and disappointment for our family.

Today's haiku is a very hard one for me to write. It's a wish for my sister, who I love so much and who has this pain I wish I could remove with my words or deeds, but I can't--ever. 

I wish to carry 

Your bag of heartache awhile

To give you a rest.

Haiku About Sadness

I feel like there are times in my life when the "bad stuff" piles on. Now is one of those times for us. Two days ago I was on the phone with my sister and said, "This week sucks. And it's only Tuesday." Monday we received bad news and on Tuesday we received some more bad news. And by "bad" I mean more than bad--I mean life-changing and not in an exciting, positive way. Yesterday was a day of processing for me. I would think about the "bad news" and then I would escape. Then, I would think some more. And then escape some more. No haiku writing yesterday, because my mind was too busy working out feelings. I'm being vague because I'm not ready to express here what our family is working through. But, I will be soon.

My haiku today is about living and doing and carrying on with a sadness that is profound and heavy.

Ev'rything's harder

and duller with this burden. 

Trudging through the day.

Haiku about Archery

Before Christmas, my middle one started archery lessons. I took him to the range and met his instructor. Well, the next thing I knew I was loading up a bow and firing away at a target. You see, I walked in thinking I would take off and do some errands and then pick him up and go home. "C'mon," the instructor said, " you do it along with him." I think it was so I would know some of the at-home exercises he should do. But, before I knew it, I was taking classes with my middle child. And guess what? As my youngest would say, "I luuuuuuuuve it!"

My son's first bulls-eye!

Today's lesson was excellent. I was taught a more advanced bow grip and it works great for me--much better than the beginner's. I'm not an advanced archer, not by any stretch of the imagination. It's just for a switch, as the instructor said. I got over the "target panic" I was experiencing last week. That is when an archer is afraid of getting hurt again by the bow. I was hurt in my lesson before and I got the 2nd worst bruise I ever had. But, today I didn't give it a thought. I also got a real feel for where my anchor is. That is where your finger touches your face as you are pulling back the bowstring. There was also a mind opening discussion with our instructor about hunting. I'm not sure if I would say I had an epiphany, but it truly got me thinking. All in all, a great lesson for me. My boy did pretty well, too.

Today's haiku is about archery, which I didn't plan on taking on, but am sure glad I did!

Check stance, load the bow.

String pulled back, eyes on target.

Release. Bam! Miss? Hit!

Haiku about My Birthday

(This was meant to be posted March 2, 2013).

It's my birthday. Waking up early, I had one of the best gifts waiting for me. Mother Nature gave me a bright, sunny day, with a gorgeous blue sky. Just what I wanted, but didn't realize it until I saw it. Next, I received another little present. My family was kind enough to sleep in, so I had about three hours of solitude and silence to do as I pleased. Losing myself in computerland was first. Next, I caught two episodes of a favorite show. And finally, I took a long, hot shower. My lovelies stirred and woke up one by one.

I announced I was off to the store,shopping for myself by myself. Before the store, I visited with my mother. We chatted for about half an hour and she hugged and kissed me and doted on me by making me coffee and offering me something to eat. And of course, she had to tell me the annual story of the extra-ordinary numbers of hours of excruciating labor my birth had caused her. You see, as she puts it, I "wanted to stay in and didn't want to come out." After that, I went to the store. Just a handful of little things were on my list, so I mostly "window shopped." It was nice to go and not rush. I ran into three of my favorite male people, my brother-in-law and two of my nephews. More birthday wishes and two and a half hours later, I return home happy. Talked with my family about my excursion and handed out a little birthday candy and new hoodies I bought them. I got some hugs, and they showed me the birthday cake they made me (chocolate, white frosting).
 
After relaxing a little it was out to dinner. The children were splendid in the restaurant, like always, and we had a very nice conversation. Subjects ranged from a Pokemon video game, to how cool it would be to have the grinder type of salt and pepper shakers at home, to how gross an olive burger sounds and the kids can't believe their aunt would eat one. Home again after  a fast trip to the video store, present opened (very nice), and it was decided the cake would hold off until tomorrow. 

Youngest went to bed after a nice warm shower, looking a tad bit suspicious. I think she had a fleeting vision of the rest of us devouring the birthday cake without her. (No chance, kid). The males and I sat around at our electronics for a while. I read them some of my haiku postings, and they shared their virtual adventures. Later, I watched a movie with my beloved, while the boys watched one upstairs. And my day is just about done--a great day and one of the best birthdays in a long time.

Artwork by my daughter

Today's haiku is about my birthday, a day full peace and family.

What a lovely day!

And mine to do as I wish.

My Happy Birthday.

Haiku about Being Startled

 (This was meant to be posted yesterday 3/1/13).
You know when you're busy, quietly working on something, and all of a sudden someone is right next to you, or perhaps someone silently walks in the room and says something, and you're so surprised you jump out of your skin? Perhaps you let out a little yelp? I remember a very good one my dad did to me. I was sitting at the table writing or something. And he was outside doing his thing with the yard. I don't remember any one else being around. Anyway, my dad must have sneaked up to the sliding glass door, which was open and right next to the table I was at. Of course, I didn't notice him, concentrating deeply on what I was doing. He saw his chance and he said in a loud, crisp voice, "Hi!" Oh! My reaction must have been priceless, because he was laughing about it hours later. Crazy dad. I love him. 

Well, years later, that has become a fun thing to do at our house. I think it might be because I'm a little above average at being susceptible to the startle and my reaction is. . .I don't know. . . amusing? The other day I did one of my favorite tasks, grocery shopping...(see my haiku to the grocery store and you will realize I say that with the sincerest sarcasm). . .I was unloading the countless bags of food. No one else was up to help, or so I thought. (Insert sinister music here). I was looking down at the bags and choosing a good combination of heavy and light bags to carry into the house, kind of thinking that this would have been easier without all the snow I have to trudge through. When I straightened up, there standing next to me all of a sudden was my middle child looking at me with a grin. I saw his mouth opening as if speaking, but all I could hear was my uber-loud scream that resonated throughout the neighborhood, echoing up and down our block. He held my arm and said, "Oh, man, I'm sorry," and then he laughed. And I laughed. And I noticed he was barefoot and shirtless, in the snow. Crazy kid. I love him. 

Here's a haiku about the startle that makes us jump and yelp, which is beginning to be a game at our house. 

Sneak. Sneak. Shhh. "Hey, I--"

"Ahhhhh! You scared me!" Sweet success.

Where's my next victim?