Haiku for My Mother (2)

Sometimes, something will occur that you don't plan, and your whole life changes--perhaps even your whole being changes. Your day to day life changes. Your plans for the future changes. Your outlook on a person changes. Your explanations as to why things are changes. Your emotional state changes. This last bit--the emotional changes I want to address today. Sometimes, something happens and you perhaps become a little sadder. You hope the sadness will weaken. But, perhaps what really happens is that you start getting use to living with that bit of sadness added onto your emotional map. And, of course, this could happen with joy, pride, frustration, any emotion that is so strongly. 

I'm going to stick with sadness, because I've been experiencing that of late. Today my mom and I went to a grocery to quickly pick up dinner stuff for my family. My mom followed me around and did not venture on her own like she use to years ago. I had to repeat my directions to her about the rotisserie chicken. That she could just pick it up and take it. But, she looked at it, until I picked it up and placed it in her cart. There was also a confusing conversation about her wanting a salad, but at the end she did get what she wanted, which was potato salad.  A month ago, I would have been frustrated, chalking it up to her not wearing her hearing aides again.  But, today it made me sad. Knowing what I know now, from what I learned about my mom last week Monday, I realize this could be due to something that cannot be fixed by something like hearing aides. You see, we found out that Mom's brain has "characteristics that point to dementia". It makes the confusing conversations, the inability to keep her attention on our talks, her occasionally forgetting what we told her two days ago, so much more severe.  It's so sad to think of losing Mom this way---not in body, but in mind. This is a bit of sadness that has been added to my emotional map that won't ever be lifted. I will have to live with it. 

Today, I write my haiku to celebrate my mom and her wonderful self.

She loves her gardens,

bargains, coffee, crocheting.

And her family.