Haiku to My Anxiety (1)

During some parts of my life, my anxiety wants to be my constant companion. This is one of those times. I know where my anxiety comes from, I even know what probably strengthened it. (But, that story is for another time.) My anxiety was pretty much on vacation for a while, making an occasional stop to let me know it's thinking of me. About three months ago, I found it lurking around again, knocking on my brain's door.  I recognized it, and I tried to ignore it. There's no ignoring it. It's there.  It's ready to tell me some lies, make some rather irrational conclusions and predictions from the stimulus life sets before me. It's ready to help my amygdala hijack me, as one person  put it (I forget who). I have my weapons against it, my deep breathing, my sharing of it, my self-talk, and others, including, of course, my little pharmaceutical friend.

 

One of the bad things about my anxiety, other than the obvious, is that even with my great arsenal, it sometimes wins. This afternoon was one of those times. While crying and insisting on explaining how something horrible is going to return, I try to tell myself that I'm being silly being scared of something that may not even happen. But, I can't help thinking what I'm thinking, fearing what I'm fearing. This is what my anxiety does. It overtakes me. After about 15 minutes of off and on panic, I know what I have to do. Thank God, I know what I have to do. And I do it. And then I figure out where my defenses were weak today. I was tired--sleepy tired and I didn't have lunch. Tomorrow, will be better. 

Tonight, I write my haiku to my stalker, anxiety, which I use to be ashamed of, but now know that it is part of what has made me Me.

Got me good today,

Loaded me with foolish thoughts.

Damn your persistence.